Married October 1, 2011 and was ready to file for a divorce by January 1, 2012. The first year of our marriage was spent living in separation. Divorces are painful, difficult and complicated, a divorce with a child involve is WAR.
God used this experience to teach me lessons that I will never forget, he tore our marriage to build it back it up with substance because we started on a foundation that was built on sand; doubts, hurt, pain from the past that rolled into our future, mistrust and insecurity which led to not being able to forgive past mistakes which blocks vulnerability and intimacy with each other.
Once I was hurt again by a past mistake, I shut down and harden my heart the very thing God asks us not to do, once I made up my mind that I had enough I shut out anything and anyone who told me anything other than to go through with my divorce.
After a year of struggle to get my divorce final, I was sitting in my living room one night when it came heavy on my heart to ask God what he wanted me to do and was he in agreement with my divorce and from that night on he sent me the answers each day it was like stop signs hitting me in the face how he responded to that question, Lol…he wanted me to work out my marriage and because that’s not what I wanted I started getting obsessed with my divorce me final as soon as possible but each time he would put a fork in the road to stop it and I finally opened my heart to The Lord and ask him to guide me in the way he’ll have me go and that he did. The first step was actually allow myself to be vulnerable enough to have a conversation with my husband and let him know the boundaries that will be in place and the steps that we would have to take in order to start over and by doing so we signed up for marriage counseling, this helped us to clearly communicate with understanding like never before which brought us to the realization that in order to build a strong foundation we had to first forgive each other and then Christ will do the rest. The counselor was only meant to push us in the right direction but not to be permanent. None should be given the middle man position in a marriage but Christ. That’s why a counselor should only be used as a start, a quick guide and giving Jesus his position as the third strand in the marriage.
It has been six months since my husband and i reunited and each day we take baby steps sometimes leaps and hurdles. One thing that’s for sure is that as long as Christ is first in both our lives we’ll keep progressing. With any relationship forgiveness is very important and has to be given often for the survival of that relationship, just think about how many times in one day God has to forgive us.
But what happens when we live God’s way? He brings gifts into our lives, much the same way that fruit appears in an orchard—things like affection for others, exuberance about life, serenity. We develop a willingness to stick with things, a sense of compassion in the heart, and a conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people. We find ourselves involved in loyal commitments, not needing to force our way in life, able to marshal and direct our energies wisely.
So I met someone recently and the connection is so amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!….I mean any and everything I would want in a partner. He’s a gentleman, has the utmost respect for me and treats me nothing less than a Queen. I had to pinch myself to make sure I wasn’t dreaming, Lol But it was in that moment I had to catch myself and realize that I can live in the moment, and learn somethings about myself and about what it is I expect from my next relationship. This has been a great friendship and I strongly believe that God placed him in my life at the right moment and even if it doesn’t turn out to be anything more than that. I can truly say it wouldn’t really make a difference because, in him I see God’s way of helping me to see that the possibilities of finding someone who is going to love me unconditional and love my daughter just the same, is out there. I wouldn’t doubt it for a second, after experiencing this friendship. Choosing to be friends first allows us to feel no pressure to impress each other and we can be just as goofy and childish as we want to be at times or just seeing how much the person really sparks your interest. Finding a man these days who would rather call you and talk on the phone for hours rather than text you is very hard and I like that about him. He actually pays attention to what I’m saying. Instead of sitting on the couch watching sports, we take long walks on the beach. God is so amazing and he has been so active in my life these past two years . I have experience so much growth through putting him first and always in my life. Just making sure I consult him first before making any decisions. It’s truly worth it to completely trust the Lord and just let him carry you. I want to end with this that what ever you may be going through or have gone through, just take something positive from the situation and just allow yourself to experience growth because the greater the suffering the greater the blessing.
Having been in a relationship for the past 7 years I thought I had found my soul mate! I thought I knew exactly what I wanted in a partner and I knew I had found it in him. Six months ago that relationship came to an end, and at first it felt as if I had been sitting on a chair and someone pull it from under my bottom without warning. I felt pain, anger, betrayal, confusion and the list could go on. I could have chosen to feel sorry for myself and wallow in my own pain and suffering. Instead with the help of my loving sister’s advise I got up wiped away the tears and faced the music. That music was that God had a different plan for my life and what I had taken from that relationship where blessings, strength, love and lessons that have prepared me for whats to come. Sure there were days when I thought I had been in a relationship so long, that I have no idea how to start dating again. It was then I realized that all along I stayed in my previous relationship only because the situation fit the frame of the picture I was painting for my life and all the years that God tried to pull me away from it I kept fighting to stay in it! See we get so comfortable from time to time in situations that’s clearly not good for us and though God tries to show us the way he wants us to go, we fight. One thing I didn’t want to walk away from my situation being an angry woman. So I took some time out with my Lord one day and just prayed about it, that I would use it as a tool to teach me more about myself and what it is that God wants for me. I asked for patience to wait on God to place the right man in my life and that I would be able to know the difference between when I’m doing ME or what God wants for me.
I LOVE being close to water….it makes me feel so close to Christ. I love worshiping near the ocean. The sea reminds me of him…it reminds me of his great big love, of the fear and respect I have for him, of how he continues to create and make anew everything from nothing….how beautiful he is. How he continuously washes away all my sins, all my faults, all my fears. How he inspires me and give me a fresh new start every time I so desire one. How warm, gently and loving he can be, yet if he decides his jealousy for me can roar and create the worst storm. Yet my trust and faith in him lets me know that he will only hold me close and part the deepest sea for me if needed…MY GOD IS AWESOME.